i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
