By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
