I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
