She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
