that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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