I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
