Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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