I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
