you turned your livingroom into a bong?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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