My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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