Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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