9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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