I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
