I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
