WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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