Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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