She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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