just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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