I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
