Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
