YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
