its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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