They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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