Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
