yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
