Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
