She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
