He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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