she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
