where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
