You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
