im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
