In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
