Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
