Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
