So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
