Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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