just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
