that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
