Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
