You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
