Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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