Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Never let your siblings swipe right.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize