12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
