ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
