I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
