I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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