So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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