Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
