I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
