This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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