TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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