If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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