I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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