Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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