New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
