Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
